All by myself...
Today my husband gave me a day all to myself, a day where he took care of the children from the time they woke up until the time they went to bed (almost). It was a belated birthday gift and in times before these, birthdays before, I always turned down the offer but this time I felt like I needed some time just for me.
I didn't do anything too exciting, slept, did homework, slept again, watched a dumb movie...nothing seemed like everything today. I thought it would be harder to stay tucked away in my bedroom while my babies played downstairs but surprisingly it wasn't. Does that make me a bad mother? My son managed to sneak in to my room a few times and asked, "Mommy you hiding?" I had to laugh and say no but then I started wondering if that's what this was, me hiding. Is hiding necessarily a bad thing? I remember some years back when I had my heart broken, I hulled up in my apartment for almost 3 days and never stepped outside. That was hiding. It seems when your heart is broken you can barely deal with your own existence let alone those of others so hiding is the only option. I eventually came out and although my heart was still broken, the tears were dried up and somehow life could go on. But now hiding is different. I'm not hiding because of a broken heart, not because I'm scared of anything (well maybe a few things), and I'm not hiding because I want to life to stop if only momentarily. It's really quite the opposite, I want my life to continue and somehow without hiding for a few moments that I steal for myself, that seems impossible. Have you ever felt empty at the end of the day? Empty because every moment you spend is for someone else and when you lay your head down on your pillow at night even the sleep that awaits is for someone else's benefit?
Today I slept for me. I opened my eyes and then decided to close them again and I kept them closed until opening them seemed less burdensome. I feel better now and even though after a few days I'll be tired and empty again, at least I had these moments just for me.
I didn't do anything too exciting, slept, did homework, slept again, watched a dumb movie...nothing seemed like everything today. I thought it would be harder to stay tucked away in my bedroom while my babies played downstairs but surprisingly it wasn't. Does that make me a bad mother? My son managed to sneak in to my room a few times and asked, "Mommy you hiding?" I had to laugh and say no but then I started wondering if that's what this was, me hiding. Is hiding necessarily a bad thing? I remember some years back when I had my heart broken, I hulled up in my apartment for almost 3 days and never stepped outside. That was hiding. It seems when your heart is broken you can barely deal with your own existence let alone those of others so hiding is the only option. I eventually came out and although my heart was still broken, the tears were dried up and somehow life could go on. But now hiding is different. I'm not hiding because of a broken heart, not because I'm scared of anything (well maybe a few things), and I'm not hiding because I want to life to stop if only momentarily. It's really quite the opposite, I want my life to continue and somehow without hiding for a few moments that I steal for myself, that seems impossible. Have you ever felt empty at the end of the day? Empty because every moment you spend is for someone else and when you lay your head down on your pillow at night even the sleep that awaits is for someone else's benefit?
Today I slept for me. I opened my eyes and then decided to close them again and I kept them closed until opening them seemed less burdensome. I feel better now and even though after a few days I'll be tired and empty again, at least I had these moments just for me.
yeah for the hubs!
yeah for sleeping til you want!
what a great feeling.
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Hey you... fancy bumping into you again
How are you, sweetheart? And doesn't it just go to show that you can't hide forever?
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Good morning. There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.
I am from Timor and too poorly know English, give please true I wrote the following sentence: ""
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